Why the Best Routines Evolve as Your Child Grows

Many parents believe that routines should create stability, but true stability comes from flexibility. The idea that routines must be fixed and repeatable often leads to frustration when our unique lives don’t cooperate.

This is where Cue Systems come in—not as rigid structures, but as adaptable frameworks. Cue Systems work in a circular way: a cue leads the way, you complete a task consistently, and over time, it builds into a routine that maintains itself because the cue stays in place.

As a parent of children with disabilities and a forever caregiver, I know firsthand that predictability isn’t always possible. But what is possible is designing routines that are flexible enough to grow and shift alongside your family’s changing needs.

The Myth of the “Perfect Routine”

Many parents start with the idea that a routine should be fixed and repeatable. But in reality, parenting—especially in caregiving situations—doesn’t allow for perfect consistency.

A routine that worked beautifully last year may suddenly feel impossible now. That’s not failure; that’s growth.

🔹 Example: A newborn’s routine is different from a toddler’s, and a teen’s needs are entirely different. The structure should remain, but the details must evolve with each stage.

The Core Tent Poles of Cue Systems

Some routines should act as anchor points—providing predictability without requiring the entire day to be structured.

Examples of Core Cue System Anchors:

1️⃣ Letting Go of the 100% Clean Home

Instead of trying to keep the entire house clean at once, I focus on a rolling rotation—where everything gets cleaned, but not at the same time.

2️⃣ Identify Your “Anchor Space”

For me, it’s the kitchen. When my kitchen is clean and organized, everything else feels easier.

✔ My Small but Powerful Routine: Each morning, as my coffee brews, I unload the dishwasher. This means throughout the day, dirty dishes go straight into the empty dishwasher instead of piling up in the sink. When I get overwhelmed, just resetting the sink helps me get back on track.

3️⃣ The “Leave No Room Behind” Habit

I try not to leave a room without a quick pick-up—putting toys into bins, placing cushions back on the couch, and tossing mail into the mail drawer. That way, I never face a total disaster.

✔ Why This Works: When I walk into a room, I rarely find an old mess waiting for me. And when it’s time to sort mail, I simply open the drawer and get started—no more hunting down random paper piles.

4️⃣ Evening Home Walkthrough

This simple end-of-day routine closes the loop on my day and sets me up for a smoother tomorrow.

✔ My Process: I follow the same path from my front door to my bedroom each day. I check that doors are locked, window shutters are closed, and I review all my layered cue systems. During this time, I reflect on my wins, challenges, and moments of gratitude.

✔ Bonus Benefit: This also serves as a cue for Caden that bedtime is near. Once I finish my walkthrough, we transition to bath and then bed.

These small but powerful anchor points create structure without feeling overwhelming.

How to Adapt Without Starting Over

✔ Keep the Structure, Change the Details

The framework of a routine can stay the same while specific steps evolve.

🔹 Example: I used to do "Marathon Laundry Saturdays" when I worked full-time. That made sense back then. But once I started working from home, I dreaded spending my weekends buried in laundry. Switching to “a load a day” made it more sustainable.

✔ Recognize When Frustration is a Sign of Needed Change

If a routine suddenly feels like an uphill battle, it’s time to tweak it—not abandon it.

🔹 Example: I wanted Caden to be independent with getting dressed. At first, I hung all his clothes in the closet because it seemed organized. But he struggled with hangers, which led to frustration.

I adjusted by using bins for shorts and underwear, but because they were black, they blended into his dark closet. Once I switched to white bins, he could see them better, and now he’s able to get his own shorts and underwear each morning.

✔ Caregiving Considerations: Flexibility Over Rigidity

When you’re a full-time caregiver, unpredictable days are the norm. That’s why I design my cue systems to focus on constant progress instead of perfection.

🔹 Example: My goal is to wipe down the toilet in my son’s bathroom every morning. If I miss a day or two, I don’t stress—I just start again the next day. Because I never truly stop, I never have to “start over.”

The Power of Adaptive Cue Systems

The goal isn’t a perfect routine, but a system that works for your life right now.

Instead of feeling frustrated when something stops working, try to see it as a sign of growth—not failure.

Join the Conversation!

If you’re looking for more practical strategies and real-life support as a parent caregiver, join my free Facebook group:
👉 Parent Caregivers – Productivity for Real Life

Inside, we talk about realistic routines, flexible systems, and how to build consistency in the middle of unpredictable days. You don’t have to figure this out alone—come connect with other caregivers who get it!